i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
zippers are such a cool invention
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
