the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Damn victory sex feels great
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
