Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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