You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
