when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
