Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
