i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
