Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
