I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
