Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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