I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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