Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.

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  (505): I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/qapf
  Replies (48) Good night (4269) Bad night (3178)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  He had one of those small greek statue penises

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  (813): He had one of those small greek statue penises http://tfl.nu/uvv6
  Replies (33) Good night (902) Bad night (5521)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by

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  (970): You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by http://tfl.nu/7cd3
  Replies (13) Good night (4139) Bad night (1106)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.

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  (318): When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly. http://tfl.nu/g0dv
  Replies (7) Good night (3245) Bad night (718)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight

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  (612): Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight http://tfl.nu/a290
  Replies (69) Good night (1406) Bad night (9160)
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  (510): View more from California

  He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

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  (510): He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again. http://tfl.nu/1fxb
  Replies (27) Good night (1369) Bad night (7805)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer

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  (706): He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer http://tfl.nu/ep3s
  Replies (11) Good night (4419) Bad night (1070)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue

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  (210): i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue http://tfl.nu/p7ux
  Replies (5) Good night (4570) Bad night (1047)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.

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  (248): I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name. http://tfl.nu/axbm
  Replies (33) Good night (1758) Bad night (13955)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.

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  (404): We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning. http://tfl.nu/65kx
  Replies (4) Good night (3333) Bad night (942)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.

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  (850): I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end. http://tfl.nu/6dki
  Replies (5) Good night (2767) Bad night (1015)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.

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  (701): Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy. http://tfl.nu/k5h7
  Replies (6) Good night (1344) Bad night (964)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.

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  (518): He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one. http://tfl.nu/zjjj
  Replies (4) Good night (1816) Bad night (679)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.

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  (801): You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good. http://tfl.nu/w4bo
  Replies (4) Good night (1735) Bad night (524)
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  (+42): View more from

  I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.

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  (+42): I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico. http://tfl.nu/klt7
  Replies (0) Good night (702) Bad night (278)

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