hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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