My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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