Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Every concussion has its silver lining
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
