She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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