Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
