so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
