"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
