His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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