dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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