Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
