please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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