He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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