Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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