Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
