watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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