Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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