I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
