Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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