note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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