my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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