I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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