one two three fourrrrnication!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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