Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
