I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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