you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
