Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There r osticjed everywhere
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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