I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize