well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
