I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
