Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
