kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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