Plan B is the new Plan A
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
