I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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