ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
