Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
