i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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