i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
