Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
