I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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