I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
