so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
