Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
