Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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