i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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