Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
