So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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