if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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