i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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