Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
