My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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