Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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