i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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