I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
