I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
