Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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