mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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