i already hear my dad disowning me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
