I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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