This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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