I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
